What's The Point In Life If You're Not Really Living?

Roman has had total rest today and already his limp seems to be much better. I have been applying the cream the vet gave me a couple of times a day but have decided I am going to give him as much rest as possible until it is completely healed. I have not taken him out at all today. To be honest I feel a little bit cruel when I don’t take him out but he has not been bothering me today to take him out anyway so that has made it a little easier!

It was quite strange getting up in the morning and not getting ready to take him for a five mile walk straightaway but I did have to get ready for something. I had arranged to meet up with my ex girlfriend at midday today to discuss the house and my plans for leaving. We have not really spoken in a while and the last time turned into a row over the phone so I arranged for us to meet in a café in town – there’s less chance of a row in a public place and I feel neutral territory is probably best anyway.

One of the reasons I had decided to meet her at the café is that they are dog friendly and Roman always gets a bowl of water and a sausage or two off the owner! It’s just over a couple of miles from my house so is perfect distance on a nice day for us to have a leisurely stroll and then have a break for an hour or so while I have a coffee and Roman catches his breath. It was unfortunate that he hurt his paw really as I am sure my ex would have liked to have seen him as it has been a while!

The main thing I had on my agenda was to inform her of my proposed leaving date – yes, I have one in mind but I would like to wait to make sure Roman is definitely ok to leave before I announce it! I wanted to discuss with her what her options would be once I left as I have no intention of paying the mortgage once I leave. Basically, the options she has are to either refinance the mortgage in her own name, move in and pay the mortgage until it sells, rent it out until it sells or not pay it at all and let the mortgage default!

Obviously, the last option is never going to happen as defaulting on a mortgage would be pretty damaging for her credit rating! I think the ideal solution would be for her to refinance the mortgage but I am not sure a mortgage company would agree to just her name on it as her earnings probably don’t qualify unless she had a hefty deposit and not many people have a lot of money lying around right now!

The most likely option is for her to move in and pay the mortgage until it sells, at which point we will split whatever we get over what is owed on the mortgage between us. I think we both sort of regret buying now to be honest. If we had just been renting then we could have just gone our separate ways back in January and there would be no reason for us to have to keep in touch if we chose not to.

I think the credit crunch has really thrown a spanner in the works too – if we had been in this situation two years ago then we would have had no problem whatsoever selling and would probably have walked away with a decent chunk of money each. As it is, we are struggling to sell it at a price way below market value! I will leave it up to her as to whether she wants to continue to market it at the current price or if she wants to put it back up a bit. I think the reason it isn’t selling now is nothing to do with price but more to do with people being unable to get finance. Once things start to pick up it may well sell at a higher price with relative ease.

We actually sat outside the café for a good couple of hours chatting and there was no argument in sight, which was definitely a good thing. These matters can tend to get quite messy with both parties naturally feeling wronged in some way but arguing about things only gets you one place – in a more complicated mess! I have already lost a lot of money on the house so, right now, if I lose a bit more then I don’t really care to be honest – I just want rid of it so I can move on with the next part of my life.

The other bad thing about having got a mortgage is that, naturally, I ploughed every spare penny into the house to the extent that about 80% of my wages were spent on it whilst we lived together and about 98% whilst I have been here on my own. To put that into perspective over the course of the past two years if we had been renting I could have saved up to £15,000 and would now be either in a position where I would have a nice car to sell or would already have savings and be able to just walk away quite easily. As it is, things are more complicated.

Personally, I don’t think I want to buy a house again and, if I do, I think I will only want to do it if I can get the property dirt cheap due to another recession. It’s quite bad to think like that – capitalising on the misery of others – but in the world of finance this is the only way forward. I think we have been unlucky with timing really but I will be a lot more careful in the future. To think, we thought it was a better idea to buy as we would at least be able to walk away with a chunk of money to start again if things didn’t work out!

It’s this sort of thing that has helped to shape my thoughts in the direction that they have taken. In essence, the last two years of my life have been all for nothing – ok I was making progress in my job but I felt I could go no further where I was and I was feeling very unfulfilled with the demands of the job. I like to be constantly challenged and I feel that job no longer did it. Also, all of the time, effort and money that I put into the house has amounted to nothing.

It is these setbacks, for want of a better word, that have led me to start contemplating what is really important in life. I always believed a steady job, buying a house and having nice things was important. Now I think it’s important to live every moment like it’s your last, enjoy life for what it is and don’t settle for anything. There’s a whole beautiful world out there, why the hell do we feel the need to stay in one little place for the whole of our lives? There are so many things out there to experience, surely it would be a waste of life to not sample them?

Well, you have a little insight now into how my brain ticks. You may think I’m barmy; many people do. Personally, I think people in general are barmy with the things that they attach importance to. The real importance of life is living; what’s the point in life if you’re not really living?